I am in a complete state

I don’t know why, but I have got into a total state.

I have my first post-op six week appointment with my Consultant Surgeon tomorrow in Aberdeen.  On the boat tonight and I haven’t a clue what to pack.  I am full of the “what-ifs”, like what if I am admitted to hospital because I had that fall?  What do I need to pack?  I seem to have lost all my kaftan nighties which are brilliant for hospital/ferry.  Bugger.  They are in a blue rucksack that has vanished from the Hobbit Hole that is my house (according to Daisy!)

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I am panicking and I need help.

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Her Maj is trying to be supportive, but sulky, as she knows I am going away.  She is keeping my bed warm.

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I have huge anxiety about this trip. I am not like this normally.  This is not me but I don’t want to go and I am scared I won’t cope on my own.  I am suffering also from regular hot flushes (yes, the obvious).  It is all adding up.

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I can’t decide what to take.  Daisy kindly ironed a shirt so I don’t look like a country mouse (and yes, that is Wussums on the kitchen work surfaces which is shameful but you try telling him).  She has been my fashion consultant too.

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I have made a list of things to say like how do I reduce my painkillers, admit my fall last week, ask what the future is…..

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Do you think anyone would mind or notice if I took some moral support to keep me grounded?  BeAnne could be my Thinking Dog for the Stupid, have a little coat and look after me on the boat and in Aberdeen, though I would be barred from every shop after the appointment and/or taxi.

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OH asked if I had any Rescue Remedy and then said “you don’t need a dropper of it, you need a St Bernard with a barrel following you!”

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I am now getting a headache with the worry.  Oh FFS Frances, you have done this a million times.  How difficult is it to get on a boat and get on with it?  This is only something like the tenth time I’ve done it.  I am shaking.

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(Can I take Whiffy with me?)

1 thought on “I am in a complete state

  1. Karen

    My first ever journey alone (at the ripe old age of 53) was to come to Shetland in 2010…and the blooming volcano erupted in Iceland and buggered up my journey….I was terrified I would end up in the middle of nowhere with all the changes, or miss a connection ….I had to swap a flight for a train then a ferry, wait no then it was a train and a flight…on, off, on off……so I empathise with you about nerves BUT you WILL be returning sooner or (hopefully not) later to the most fantastic place in the world….Shetland. Chin up, take a deep breath and stay strong. You can do it…you’re a woman!

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