I want to write about the importance of having a Living Will (or an Advance Directive or Advance decision to refuse treatment (ADRT)).

This is a good idea and in my opinion, essential. It gives you a voice. It lets your healthcare team know your last wishes to refuse treatment when you are not able to communicate them.

So when your nearest and dearest are wavering, trying to make the right decisions on your behalf, not really knowing what is best, then you will be heard – loud and clear and there will be no doubt what you want.

On a personal note, when I found Mum’s Living Will, suddenly I could hear her voice and understand what she really wants, now, today because we are at that point. I needed that. I was wavering, not knowing what was best.  I had bought the Living Will for Mum a few years’ back when were were talking on our morning phone call.  She had then made the effort to get it signed by her doctor and was adamant these were her last wishes.

When I get home, I am going to write my Living Will. It is very important to me, I realise this.

Yes, it is legally binding in England and Wales, though not Scotland but I hope my nearest and dearest will do the right thing when they read it and they will hear my voice.

When I drive over to see Mum in her nursing home, I always go the slightly longer but far prettier route because it avoids the motorway (M4).  This is because nowadays at weekends they shut parts of the motorway so my sister had wisely advised me to find an alternative route.

While I was finding my way along the narrow country roads, I drove past two beautiful old Churches.  I kept saying to myself, I would like to have a look around, so today, after I left Mum, I visited one.

This is St Mary’s Church, White Waltham.

I wasn’t expecting the Church to be open but it was and so I went inside.  I was the only one there so I took the opportunity to have some quiet time to myself.

It helped.

Afterwards, I noticed a lady elder of the Church was also there and I asked if I could look around.  I was told this was fine.

They had some lovely stained glass windows.

I particulalry liked the sheep involvement.

So important, I think.

And this window definitely had a message for me.

Outside again and I walked around caught up in my own world.  A nice gardener told me that this yew tree is over 1000 years old!

I love the chequerboard gable.  This is what originally drew me to want to look around as I drove past.

Half an hour later,  I left feeling much more peaceful about my life and what is happening.

I now know one of my main migraine triggers = STRESS!

I hate my migraines.  There is no let up at the moment.  I could really do without them.  They don’t help any situation.

I visit Mum most days (except when my sister goes in and I get a break) in her superb nursing home. I’m glad we broke her out of hospital last week.  I have no regrets about that.

When I get home in the afternoon, after lunch, I sit down at the kitchen table and make sheep just because….. I am listening to Sherlock Holmes on the radio.  It is diverting and somehow relaxing.

We are existing. That’s all I feel.

A few photos really (all I’ve got, sorry).

This morning was beautiful.

Ted is a constant support and my emotional support therapy dog.  He is by my side when I’m upset (things are not easy) and I am grateful to have him here with me.

I am making sheep when I can.

Yesterday, I might have given Ted a bit of a drastic hair cut I regret. He is now sporting, what I tell him, is a magnificent tash!

Meanwhile, at home, Daisy sent me these photos.

As you can see, a little someone has achieved her dream.

This actually made me laugh out loud.  Good old Monster.  He has finally met his match.  They make a lovely couple.

(There is an identical bed next to this one but no, they must share. It is probably the law.)

I wasn’t going to get up early this morning I thought to myself asI lay in my lovely warm bed, complete with Ted curled up beside me at 06.45. I decided I could take him out later but his walk would have to be entirely on a lead because we wouldn’t be able to go on the golf-course.  And then, now feeling guilty, I reckoned that as I was already awake, I should just get up, stop being selfish and bite the bullet, so to speak.

This is the first view I saw when I left the garden with Ted at 07:00.

And if you look carefully to the right of the trunk, you will see two small roe deer who had been grazing.

Dear little things.  They watched me and then ran off.

It was 1 degree celsius.

Very cold but beautiful.  A large dog fox ran past.

The golf course staff have started the monumental task of clearing all the fallen leaves.  I don’t envy them this job so I took a few photos before the leaves all vanish.

Ted did most of the walk off a lead and behaved himself. However, we did meet the golfer-in-shorts (who is apparently immune to the cold, lucky thing) and Ted managed a few ferocious barks, while I apologised profusely, before running bravely back to me. I clipped him onto his lead and took him home.

So it was worth getting up early.