A day in Lerwick, which actually did me the world of good.  I had an appointment with the Consultant Anaesthetist at Gilbert Bain Hospital to discuss my pain control and future epidural steroid injections in my spine.

We also discussed my own methods of pain control. I have chronic spinal pain with intermittent agony.  Sadly, it plays rather a huge part in my life. I hate it.

During the day time I use a Painpod – a portable “physical therapy medical device”. Like a tens machine, but much, much better.

For my back, I wear a kidney shaped pad on my lower spine attached to my small machine that electronically blips, tweaks and squeezes all day long.

I can change the settings according to my pain needs.   Brilliant for sciatica and has seen me through many desperate times. I can spend my day feeling capable and happy without thinking “I hurt, therefore I am”.  This machine is worth every penny to buy, easy and cheap to run (charges off a USB port), while efficient and discreet.  I love it and happily showed it my Consultant who was very interested.  I cannot rate the Painpod highly enough.  It changed my life.   They are also a very helpful company to deal with.  If you want to buy one, tell them I sent you!

Before I go to bed, I lie on an acupressure mat  for at least an hour. I sleep very well and very deeply throughout the night. When I don’t use it, I don’t sleep.

Plus the Turmoil – turmeric capsules from The Golden Paste Company. Lambie is living proof their turmeric works and now so am I.  I wouldn’t take any other brand of capsule and would panic if I ran out.  I can feel the pills working.  One in the morning and one in the evening.

The combination of these three essential things in my life are what keep me upright and active during the day, and give me a good sleep at night. I love sleep. It is the answer to all my prayers.

Anyway, it was a very useful appointment. We decided I could have more injections when my usual options stop working.  Shit happens and then my back gives up (this I know) so I am glad to have Plan B.

We are all very lacklustre today.  I keep telling myself that we need to get over this and get on with things.  But it is not as easy as it seems and I am struggling.

Today Flossie and I did our horse and pony checking – we have three lots to do at the moment (owners away) so we just “do it in a oner”, taking the car and driving round to the various places with animals that need a visit.

We took some brushes and attacked the last of the winter wool on the Minions.

Newt is clinging onto his fur and resembles a recalcitrant yak.

Storm has lost all his and is now wearing his summer dresses.

Tiddles is another but he gets stroppy if you try to brush him.  It is a case of one hand clinging onto his mane and brushing as quickly as possibly before he walks away.

I guess I could take a headcollar.

Most of Silver’s fur has gone except for under his chin.

Tiddles could tell that Floss and I were not ourselves so he prescribed his best treatment.

They know when you are sad and I think that is what I love most about animals – their empathy.

The rounds finished, we went home and I popped into the ladies’ field.  Brá took a carrot from me and I had a quick look at her.  Her baby belly is slowly going down now and she is physically fine.

When the vet was here, he did say Hetja was definitely pregnant.

It was raining so I didn’t stay very long. At least it is washing away all the traces.

While BeAnne spends all her time with me, a certain weird cat is in the house being busy.

Monster regularly plots world domination.

I think it is safe to say he has taken over us at the very least – this is OH’s sofa spot.

Just not anymore.

Monster has many names and answers to none.

Perhaps not the most elegant, though.

Monster manages to make himself known and reminds me far too much of the cartoon Simon’s Cat.  It is scarily accurate.  OH looks just like Simon and the cat is no one other.  It’s like someone is watching our house and knows us very well.

Daisy took this film.  I think it is wonderful.

🐈🐩🐶🐱🐈🐩🐶🐱🐈🐩🐶🐱

A quick Brá pdate:  She is doing ok.  No sign of toxic shock or infection.  We have buried the foal now and made sure she didn’t know and, more importantly, couldn’t smell it.  It was not a happy job but it is done and we move forwards. Brá is subdued and we had a chat while I gave her a huge bucket of diverting food.  She understands what has happened and if anyone thinks animals don’t grieve, please think again.  You are very wrong.

Yesterday afternoon a huge afterbirth appeared, so that was a relief.  Brá mentally perked up after that had gone.

This morning we opened the gate to the adjoining stable and Brá immediately went through to be with Hetja and Lilja, leaving her dead foal behind.  Based on her decision alone, we quickly led everyone out of the stable and back to their field.  Hetja and Lilja were thrilled to be outside again (I am not sure they would’ve put up with a longer confinement), while Brá was torn between trying to return to her foal or go with her friends. Before I slipped her headcollar off, I fed her a carrot sprayed liberally with Rescue Remedy.

Meanwhile, Taktur was shouting and running up and down his fence two fields away offering “encouragement” and support, just perhaps not in the way anyone would want at this precise moment.  He has been at it all day (*** sigh ***).  Everyone is heartily bored of him.

However, Hetja is brilliant, she gently got behind Brá and moved her away from the noisy tit shouting at the fence and guided her back to eating with Lilja at the furthest end of the field.  At one stage Brá stood at the spot where it all happened but now she moves around the field alternately grazing and sleeping, occasionally looking up and if she sees me, she shouts.  We have given them all space and look at them regularly from a distance.

Seeing Brá stand by herself thinking breaks my heart.  She is getting her head around all this.

Life has to go on. We all seem very bleak and distant.  I have no interest in much but I went to check the Minions and give them a carrot.  I didn’t feel like chatting to anyone.

Edited:  I just went outside to see where they are and Hetja is grooming Brá.  I shall leave her with the expert.  She knows how best to help.  It made me cry.

There’s no good way of telling this.

Last night Brá gave birth to a stillborn bay colt foal.

It all started fine.  No stress, no worry, nothing out of the ordinary.  I was sitting in the van watching like a hawk from midnight onwards.

Luckily it was light enough so that I could view the horses with binoculars though I did go into the field …. with help.

At 02:00 Brá went into labour.  She was doing well, the foal was coming out the right way round.  All looked good although her contractions were not that strong.  She was getting up and lying down a lot.  Prevous foals have been born very quickly.

After a while Daisy arrived and we watched trying to decide what to do next.  We called Bjørn, our neighbour, trainer and friend and he raced over.  Brá rolled, had an enormous contraction and the foal came out.  He never took a breath.  It all took 30 minutes from start to finish.

We tried resuscitation but it was not to be.

So we trudged to bed with heavy hearts.  This morning, I went down to find Brá standing by her foal  but with her afterbirth still very retained.  She had not moved nor eaten.

She let me catch her (amazingly though I did get cross with Lilja who was in the way and not helping). Daisy and Flossie moved the foal up with her and we put them in the stable together.  The vet visited, lightly sedated and examined Brá thoroughly.  He gave her Oxytocin, antibiotics and steroid injections. 

We have to be very careful of toxic shock and to this end, Brá will stay in the stable with her foal.  She is eating, which is a good sign.  She won’t leave her foal so I have put her food where she will have to look away to eat it.

Hetja and Lilja are next door and not happy but we are due torrential rain for the next 12 hours and I don’t want Brá standing in a downpour with her foal.

So that’s where we are.  We feel gutted for poor Brá.  If I could change anything, I would.  Now to keep her alive is our next challenge.

A very sad day.  The what-if’s are huge.