Ted and I were met with fog this morning on our walk at 07:00.

But Ted and I have reached an agreement now.

Basically “bugger off, and I will do the walk without you”!

Taking photos as I go, obviously!

And, remarkably, Ted, so far, has stayed with me.  I have a bag of treats and if he a) comes when he’s called or b) arrives just because, then he gets a treat as well as lots of enthusiasm about his arrival and exemplary behaviour.

Today Ted met a cat on the golf-course and gave chase, albeit not very fast and the cat sauntered off.

If he does this to Monster, I full expect Monster to swiftly express his displeasure with a good swipe and hopefully Ted will learn this is not the behaviour we expect or encourage.

Monster doesn’t take prisoners.  Ever.

It was a beautiful still and quiet morning walk.

And guess what? Ted was home, waiting for me at the garden gate.

And yes, he got his well-done-for-going-on-a-dog-walk treat!

Today I am very tired.

I was up early having not slept most of the night.  Then in to see Mum for the morning and then back home.

After lunch, I drove over to the outskirts of Reading to a Chinese supermarket.

Floss and I visited here a few weeks’ back to have a mosey around.  We both love places like this and quickly discovered their dumpling and wonton section.  I have refilled the freezer and guess what’s for supper tonight!

I didn’t quite dare buy these, though. Actually now I wish I had been braver!

Apparently, everything is going along smoothly (or “controlled chaos” as OH described it) at home.  The weather is vile but Floss is nipping in and out putting rugs on and off Taktur and Haakon. I get regular updates and I am very grateful to everyone for all their efforts.

So gaozi, bath and bed for me.  I need some proper sleep.

I want to write about the importance of having a Living Will (or an Advance Directive or Advance decision to refuse treatment (ADRT)).

This is a good idea and in my opinion, essential. It gives you a voice. It lets your healthcare team know your last wishes to refuse treatment when you are not able to communicate them.

So when your nearest and dearest are wavering, trying to make the right decisions on your behalf, not really knowing what is best, then you will be heard – loud and clear and there will be no doubt what you want.

On a personal note, when I found Mum’s Living Will, suddenly I could hear her voice and understand what she really wants, now, today because we are at that point. I needed that. I was wavering, not knowing what was best.  I had bought the Living Will for Mum a few years’ back when were were talking on our morning phone call.  She had then made the effort to get it signed by her doctor and was adamant these were her last wishes.

When I get home, I am going to write my Living Will. It is very important to me, I realise this.

Yes, it is legally binding in England and Wales, though not Scotland but I hope my nearest and dearest will do the right thing when they read it and they will hear my voice.

When I drive over to see Mum in her nursing home, I always go the slightly longer but far prettier route because it avoids the motorway (M4).  This is because nowadays at weekends they shut parts of the motorway so my sister had wisely advised me to find an alternative route.

While I was finding my way along the narrow country roads, I drove past two beautiful old Churches.  I kept saying to myself, I would like to have a look around, so today, after I left Mum, I visited one.

This is St Mary’s Church, White Waltham.

I wasn’t expecting the Church to be open but it was and so I went inside.  I was the only one there so I took the opportunity to have some quiet time to myself.

It helped.

Afterwards, I noticed a lady elder of the Church was also there and I asked if I could look around.  I was told this was fine.

They had some lovely stained glass windows.

I particulalry liked the sheep involvement.

So important, I think.

And this window definitely had a message for me.

Outside again and I walked around caught up in my own world.  A nice gardener told me that this yew tree is over 1000 years old!

I love the chequerboard gable.  This is what originally drew me to want to look around as I drove past.

Half an hour later,  I left feeling much more peaceful about my life and what is happening.

I now know one of my main migraine triggers = STRESS!

I hate my migraines.  There is no let up at the moment.  I could really do without them.  They don’t help any situation.

I visit Mum most days (except when my sister goes in and I get a break) in her superb nursing home. I’m glad we broke her out of hospital last week.  I have no regrets about that.

When I get home in the afternoon, after lunch, I sit down at the kitchen table and make sheep just because….. I am listening to Sherlock Holmes on the radio.  It is diverting and somehow relaxing.

We are existing. That’s all I feel.